Assessing the Writing

Analysis:
We had the pleasure of doing a writing analysis on a 4th grade boy named, “J”. “J” read two pieces of writing, one a narrative that seemed to be an introduction letter to his teacher. This piece was shown to us as a final draft so it didn’t give us much to analyze. However, it did help us to know a little about “J”. It said that he has been told by past teachers that he talks a lot, is loud, and has to sit alone because he disturbs others, but that he really likes to do math. When we asked about whether he likes to write, he answered that he likes math. The second piece of writing that he brought was about his hamster, Hammy and it was this writing that we chose to analyze.

Meaning of the Piece:
“J” was very excited to read to us his story on his hamster, Hammy. He wrote about waking up and seeing his hamster on the dresser, who then jumped down and began to speak and how this was going to be the most exciting day, “the day all animals could talk.” The writing continues with the adventure of Hammy talking and “J” attempting to get the hamster off of him. He writes about asking her, “stupid questions” and thinking that he is “hallucinating” yet his first draft jumps around a lot and you wonder things like how does “J” know his hamster is out of the cage upstairs when he is downstairs. He also uses no adjectives to describe during the first draft, something that his teacher must have also commented on since words like the “dull” coffee table and “dirty” bedroom were added in his next draft.

Six Traits Assessment:
The ideas of the paper did consist of one main idea, that one day “all animals” could talk, the writing was only about one animal, his hamster. We were able to understand that the point of the story was to tell us of a journey with the hamster as it ran around his home, free and talking as she went. Overall, he is in the beginning developments of defining the topic, even though it is still basic and very general.

The organization definitely needs to be worked on. There never seems to be clear paragraphs with a topic sentence, supporting details, and a conclusion. Transitions to move from one paragraph to another aren’t there either. Overall, it seems to be lacking a clear sense of direction since his events seem to be going from one direction to another.

We felt that “J” tried very hard with voice. You could tell by reading the piece that he seemed sincere, that his writing had a purpose because he really did wish his hamster could talk and take him on an adventure. We felt that “J” probably really wanted to “pinky wrestle” with his hamster and that J probably had different thoughts about what Hammy would do if she was loose in the house and maybe wondered if she thought that she, “loved this house!” But, unfortunatley, he never seemed to be fully engaged with his writing.

“J’s” word choice definitely could be expanded on. His first draft had no adjectives in it and in the second draft adjectives were added but just basic ones like, “exciting” day, “cotton” shirt, “dirty” bedroom and “dirty” floor. Yet, he also used words in his first draft like “was I hallucinating” and “I totally freaked out!” We could tell he attempted to use colorful language, but his word choices could be expanded on to give his story a more powerful and engaging message.

We felt that both sentence fluency and convention are the biggest areas that J needs to work on. You could tell that “J” enjoyed writing about his beloved pet, but the story jumped around a lot (how did we get from the bedroom to the kitchen and back again) and he went back and forth with referring to Hammy as “he” then later as “she”. This shows that his problems with grammar and usage are not serious enough to distort meaning, but are not accurately applied all of the time.

Spelling:
“J” seems to be a great speller. Looking at the draft it seemed he made few to no spelling errors. The only one’s we noticed was “awnswered” and “hulusinating.”
While doing the spelling assessment on “J” he breezed through the words, never needing them in a sentence except for “cellar”. The only words he misspelled was “civilized” and “opposition.” This would place him at the early to middle intermediate stage in reading and writing.

Lesson Plan
Objectives
Student will apply writing conventions appropriately, use word function properly, and indenting paragraphs when necessary.
Standards
EALR :1. The student understands and uses a writing process.
Component: 1.4. Edits text.
1.4.1. Applies understanding of editing appropriate for grade level.
EALR 3. The student writes clearly and effectively.
Component 3:3. Knows and applies writing conventions appropriate for the grade level.
3.3.5. Applies usage rules.
3.3.7 Applies paragraph conventions.

Materials
Two unedited paragraphs to show on projector
Copies of unedited paragraph for students to edit
Lined paper and pencil to write out new edited paragraph

Instructional Strategies:
Our overview is to have Jack learn how to begin new paragraphs and know when to transition to the next paragraph, check for grammar errors, spelling errors and to detect whether the paragraph is interesting enough to keep readers engaged. Our demonstrations will include not only the how, but the why as well so the students will be able to transfer the skills to broaden meaning for them (Routman, 147). We will also be pointing out how writing takes time and will include rereading and rethinking throughout the process in order be sure that your piece conveys what is intended and is clear and engaging to the reader (Routman, 148). We will be doing this lesson as a way to frontload. Doing this before expecting our students to write in the future will ensure that they understand our expectations, the task they will be assigned, and so that they will be prepared to succeed at this, and future, writing assignments (Routman, 220-221).

Teacher will begin by showing students an unedited, one-page paper on the projector. Using the “I do, we do, you do” strategy, instruction will begin by explaining the process of a properly written paragraph.
The teacher explains that a properly edited paper is organized with each paragraph having a topic sentence, 2-3 supporting sentences that focus on the main idea, has a closing sentence and that the paragraph is interesting.
The teacher continues editing the paper shown on the projector showing the class where a new paragraph should begin, by looking for the topic sentence. The teacher inserts the paragraph symbol where necessary and instructs students to add the symbol to their paper as well. The teacher will think out loud searching for the next topic sentence, asking for student feedback. When it appears that all students understand how to separate paragraphs they will be instructed to work independently at their desks to finish editing the paper until all necessary sections have been marked with the paragraph symbol. The teacher will then bring the class back together and they will talk about where the paragraphs should be separated.
The teacher will perform the same tasks as illustrated above - one task at a time, until the paper has been completely edited. The following tasks will entail determining whether the supporting ideas are interesting, if not, the teacher (and students) will insert adjectives to make the sentence(s) more interesting. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation will also be corrected. (This lesson will take place over several days).
Finally, the teacher will show another un-edited paper on the projector and ask the class to work together to make the corrections. The teacher could give hints such as, “Oh, I see we have four mistakes in this paragraph” or “I see that the pet in the story is referred to as he, and as she – does that make sense?” or “What adjective could we use to describe this word and make the sentence more interesting?”
Once the entire class correctly edits the paragraph, the teacher will give each student an unedited paper to correct on their own. They are to correctly re-write this paragraph on their lined notebook paper to turn in for assessment.
After this, the teacher will then be able to assess the students to make sure they are ready to apply this on their future writings (assignments)done in class.

Assessment:
The teacher will be able to assess each student’s final edited paper, looking for paragraph organization, correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

Works Cited
Routman, R. (2005). Writing Essentials: Raising Expectations and Results While Simplifying Teaching. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.